I’m currently drunk solo for the first time in my life.
I don’t like it. I’m not the happy drunk i am with others. I feel very alone and I’m crying on my kitchen floor.
I did manage to make enchiladas, though.
Someone please tell me everything will be okay. I’m drowning in my life right now.
even when you were angry and quiet and heated
even when I was distant and lost and too far gone
to understand what was
then, now, between us -
I wanted to hold you (close)
maybe I played the wrong song
slammed the door too harshly
gripped the wheel too tightly
clenched my teeth too loudly to
fight back the words
(those silly useless things)
but to reach my hand out to touch your knee
would have been certain death
(despite my instinct and perfect record)
I would have veered off the road
the slightest spark starts fires on my skin
that burn through my skull
into my head and turn thoughts into ashes
and ashes into reckless actions
i have nothing more for the drive home
except you walking away from me
for the last time
i have nothing more
and understanding that
is close enough